For the first time in my stupid-short comedy career, I've been asked to headline a paid show. Which is so stupid. Like...crazy stupid because I'm not a headliner yet but don't tell the bar who booked me. I probably shouldn't make too much of a big deal about this. Since, ya know, it's in a bar 5 hours from any civilization. However, last time I was there, I got stupid-drunk and that's all that I need really.